The Importance of Enthusiastic Consent

Many people understand consent as simply “no means no” and “yes means yes.” However, it’s a misconception that being in a long-term relationship means having indefinite access to a partner’s body. Enthusiastic consent remains crucial, whether you’ve been together for decades, a few years, or are in a new relationship.

Enthusiastic consent means actively seeking mutual excitement in intimate activities, rather than just the absence of a “no,” according to De-Andrea Blaylock-Solar, LCSW, CST, a sexuality and relationship therapist. This dynamic exchange can enhance your relationship by improving communication, building anticipation, and ensuring intimacy feels mutually desired and connected.

What Enthusiastic Consent Looks Like

Think of enthusiastic consent as emotional foreplay. “It’s ongoing and active, not compliant or hesitant,” notes Gabby Jimmerson, an AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist & Relationship Expert. It involves energy, engagement, and a clear verbal and nonverbal understanding that your partner is with you.

In long-term relationships, routines or assumptions might be relied upon, but previous occurrences don’t imply current consent. “Familiarity doesn’t replace the need for clarity,” Blaylock-Solar emphasizes. Consent is fluid and can change at any time.

The Role of Communication

Enthusiastic consent goes beyond a simple “Do you want to have sex?” It’s an active, willing, and energetic yes-not pressured or hesitant. Examples include:

• “I really want you tonight.”
• “I want to try this, are you into it too?”

Body language can also convey consent through actions like leaning in, reciprocal touch, and eye contact. However, Jimmerson cautions that nonverbal cues need to be paired with verbal check-ins, as factors like trauma or anxiety can make someone appear engaged while feeling uncertain internally.

How to Make Consent Sexy

If asking for consent feels awkward, you’re not alone. Therapists suggest it can actually heighten intimacy. “Confidently and unapologetically asking, ‘How does this feel?’ or ‘Is this working for you?’ is incredibly sexy,” Jimmerson shares. This approach shows attentiveness and care.

View these check-ins as flirtation rather than interruptions. “It’s not a performance review,” Jimmerson says. Simple, playful phrases such as “Would you like it if I…?” convey desire and build trust.

The Benefits of Enthusiastic Consent

Beyond ensuring safety, enthusiastic consent enhances intimacy. Regular practice fosters “deeper emotional safety, stronger trust, and greater sexual satisfaction,” according to Blaylock-Solar. When partners freely express desires and boundaries, pressure decreases and pleasure increases, leading to more confidence and enjoyment.

Sometimes, partners might not be in the mood, which is completely normal. “No” simply means “not right now.”

Responding to a Partner’s Needs

Respond respectfully with:

• “That’s okay, thanks for telling me.”
• “I’m glad you said what you’re feeling.”

These responses demonstrate emotional maturity and encourage honesty, avoiding guilt-tripping or pressure that can damage trust.

If a lack of enthusiasm becomes a pattern, it may be beneficial to discuss emotional needs or stress outside the bedroom, possibly with the help of a therapist. “Consent should always feel like a joyful, mutual agreement,” says Blaylock-Solar.

Conclusion

Ultimately, Enthusiastic consent should not feel rigid or formal. It is intimate, intentional, and rooted in emotional awareness, helping couples stay connected, reduce misunderstandings, and strengthen their bond over time. Embrace the power of a heartfelt “Yes!”

In Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream, there’s a line that perfectly describes the clitoris: “And though she be but little, she is fierce.” The glans of the clitoris, though just about two centimeters wide, boasts over 8,000 nerve endings-more than any other part of the vulva. This makes clit stimulation essential for enhancing sexual pleasure.

Clitoral stimulation is crucial for most people with vulvas to achieve orgasm, according to Erica Marchand, PhD, a licensed psychologist specializing in couples therapy in Los Angeles. She notes, “It feels really good, helps [someone] get turned on, can help with lubrication, and generally makes for a much more pleasurable sexual experience.”

The clitoris is like a small but powerful engine. If you’re new to understanding the clit or want to deepen your knowledge, here’s a guide on what it is, where to find it, and how to stimulate it effectively, based on expert insights.

Understanding the Clitoris

Unique Purpose

The clitoris is the only human organ dedicated solely to sexual pleasure, says Wendasha Jenkins Hall, PhD, a sex educator and researcher. It contains over 10,000 nerve endings, as noted in 2023 research from The Journal of Sexual Medicine.

Beyond the Surface

Donna Oriowo, LCSW, CST, a certified sex therapist, explains that the visible part of the clitoris is just one portion. It also has internal structures that can be stimulated. The entire clitoris is akin to a penis for a person with a vulva.

The external clitoris, found under the apex of the labia minora, is a small nub often covered by a protective hood. Internally, the clitoral structure extends throughout the vulva, with legs surrounding the vaginal canal.

Internal Structure

The visible part, or glans, is delicate due to its many nerve endings and is safeguarded by the clitoral hood. Internally, the clitoris consists of erectile tissue that swells with blood when aroused. It is shaped like a wishbone, with crura, or legs, enveloping the vaginal canal, and bulbs positioned between the crura and the vaginal wall.

Clitoral and G-Spot Connection

While the G-spot’s existence has been debated, it’s generally thought to be located a few inches inside the vagina on the front wall. Some researchers suggest it may be part of the clitoral structure, indicating that a G-spot orgasm might also be a clitoral orgasm.

Exploring Clitoral Stimulation

Despite its small size, the clitoris offers numerous ways to achieve orgasm. Rachel Wright, MA, LMFT, recommends experimenting to find the type of stimulation you enjoy. Whether light or firm pressure, or different vibration styles, exploration is key.

Masturbation, using fingers or a clitoral vibrator, allows you to discover which patterns and pressures are pleasurable. Everyone’s preferences vary, so communication with your partner about what feels good is essential.

Pro Tips for Clitoral Stimulation

When using fingers, ensure cleanliness and smooth nails, suggests Oriowo. Lubrication can enhance external stimulation.

Start with a gentle touch to build anticipation, as too much pressure initially can be uncomfortable. Once a rhythm is established, gradually increase pressure. Consider tapping the clitoris side to side or in circles.

Many people find direct clitoral stimulation overwhelming, so focus on the surrounding area first. As arousal builds, gradually increase pressure and direct contact.

Jess O’Reilly, PhD, advises rubbing the entire vulva, not just the clitoris. Using the “Pussy Pocket” technique, press your palm against the pubic mound and wrap fingers around the lips, increasing pressure as arousal grows.

Oral Stimulation Techniques

Oral sex also offers various approaches. O’Reilly suggests pressing firmly against the clitoris with a flat tongue, moving side to side and up and down. Rolling your tongue into a tube and sliding it over the clitoris or inside the vagina can be pleasurable. Open communication with your partner is crucial to ensure satisfaction.

Positions for Clitoral Pleasure

Focusing on the clitoris intentionally can enhance sexual experiences. Donna Oriowo emphasizes the importance of choosing positions that actively engage the clitoris. Many traditional positions can be adapted to include clitoral stimulation through slight movements.

Certain vibrators are designed for use during penetrative sex. Options like Zumio are meant to be held easily during intercourse to provide additional stimulation.

Here are some positions that emphasize clitoral engagement:

• Table Top: In this position, the receiver sits or lies at the edge of a surface, allowing for clitoral stimulation during penetration.
• Spooning: Lying on your sides, the giving partner can stimulate the clitoris while entering from behind.
• Scissors: This position allows for deep penetration and easy clit access as the penetrating partner kneels, straddling the receiver’s leg.
• Face to Face: The receiver straddles the giving partner, allowing control over entry and clitoral contact.
• Modified Doggy Style: The receiver rests their head and arms on the bed, providing access for clitoral stimulation from behind.
• Missionary Twist: Turn onto your sides during missionary to maintain full-body contact and clitoral stimulation.
• Legs Up: The receiver raises their legs behind their head, offering clitoral and labial stimulation.
• Bridge: The receiver supports their weight on their shoulders, allowing for manual clitoral stimulation.
• Cowgirl: The receiver controls the pace, leaning forward for clitoral friction against the partner’s pubic bone.

By exploring these techniques and positions, you can enhance your sexual experiences, focusing on the clit to unlock new levels of pleasure and intimacy.

Introduction

Discover powerful techniques to master the art of fingering yourself for incredible orgasms. This guide is crafted to provide maximum benefit, starting with how to get aroused and then exploring various techniques.

Getting in the Mood

Before diving into techniques, it’s crucial to get relaxed and stress-free. Stress can hinder arousal, as confirmed by scientific research. Find a private, quiet space like your bedroom or bathroom. Creating the right atmosphere involves both psychological and physical components. Physically, you need to caress your erogenous zones, and a vibrator can enhance this. Psychologically, identify what always turns you on-your personal “heroin”-whether it’s erotica, fantasies, or something else.

Fingering Techniques

Start by trimming and filing your nails to avoid accidents. Lower your hand from your breasts, down to your stomach, and onto your clitoris, located just outside and above the vaginal opening. Use one finger to feel the fleshy folds of your labia, and as you become naturally lubricated, gently insert your finger into the vagina, exploring what feels best.

Exploring Your G-Spot

The G-Spot is located on the upper wall of your vagina. To find it, curl your finger backwards and press gently. It has a unique texture, often compared to the back of the palate or a wet raspberry. Stimulating this area can lead to intense orgasms. Remember, the G-Spot is easier to locate when aroused, and feeling like you need to urinate during stimulation is normal-peeing beforehand can help.

Specific Techniques

• Pressure Pressing: If vaginal orgasms are challenging, use your other hand to press your mons pubis, increasing G-Spot stimulation.
• From Behind: Insert your finger from behind for a different sensation, though it’s often less satisfying than G-Spot stimulation.
• Dual Stimulation: Use one hand for the G-Spot and the other for clitoral stimulation to make orgasms more achievable.
• Anal Fingering: For those interested in anal stimulation, trim nails, lubricate well, and explore the area slowly for added pleasure.

Finger Movements

For maximum pleasure, vary what your finger tips do:

• Stroking: Drag your finger along the vaginal wall, experimenting with speed and pressure.
• Pressing: Apply and hold pressure on sensitive areas like the G-Spot and A Spot for added stimulation.
• Circular Motion: Move your finger in circles while applying pressure to enhance sensations.

Conclusion

Fingering yourself is straightforward and can help manage sexual arousal. While these techniques have received positive feedback, personal exploration is encouraged to discover what works best for you. Everyone’s body is unique, so have fun experimenting and enjoy your orgasms!

Certain sensations that might be uncomfortable outside of intimate moments, such as spanking or hot wax, can actually be quite pleasurable during sexual activities. Hair-pulling is one such activity that many find exhilarating in the right context.

Carol Queen, PhD, a noted sexologist and co-author of “The Sex & Pleasure Book: Good Vibrations Guide to Great Sex for Everyone,” explains that while pulling your hair accidentally with a brush hurts, some people enjoy the sensation in an erotic setting. If you’re curious about trying hair-pulling safely, read on for expert-backed advice.

Understanding the Sensation

When done by someone you trust, hair-pulling can be physically, mentally, and emotionally stimulating. Rebecca Blanton, PhD, also known as Auntie Vice, highlights that the scalp contains numerous nerve endings, offering pleasure through stimulation. The sensation varies based on scalp sensitivity and the force of the pull. Gentle pulls can be relaxing, while firmer pulls can enhance a passionate moment, often reinforcing power dynamics in BDSM contexts.

Rufus Spann, PhD, a certified sex therapist and founder of Libido Health, notes that hair-pulling can release endorphins, adding to the euphoria of the experience. Importantly, hair-pulling can be enjoyed by individuals of almost any hair length and gender.

Preparing for Safe Hair-Pulling

To practice hair-pulling safely, communication is key. Discuss the act in a non-sexual setting to ensure comfort and consent. It’s essential to address who will perform each role, what aspects are exciting, and acceptable pressure levels.

Understand that not everyone may be open to hair-pulling. Respecting boundaries is crucial, as previous negative experiences can make the act triggering for some.

If hair-pulling is of interest but not feasible due to sensitivity, consider exploring other activities like spanking or BDSM elements that maintain the pleasure-pain balance without involving the scalp.

Establishing a safeword or non-verbal cue is vital, providing a quick way to express if the experience becomes overwhelming. Terms like ‘pineapple’ or ‘red’ work well.

Learning the Technique

Hair-pulling requires skill to be both safe and enjoyable. Consider taking a kink or BDSM class to learn proper techniques.

Instead of pulling hair, focus on gently tugging the scalp. Gather a large section near the scalp and pull gently, avoiding the ends or extensions. This approach prevents hair damage and protects the neck’s sensitive structures.

Engaging in Hair-Pulling

Once you’ve communicated and practiced, incorporating hair-pulling into intimate moments can be simple. A direct request or question suffices.

The sensation is often enhanced when already aroused, as endorphins transform pain into pleasure. Take time to enjoy foreplay to maximize the experience.

For newcomers, ensure ongoing communication during the act. Check in with questions like “Harder or softer?” to gauge comfort levels and adjust accordingly.

Exploring Different Scenarios

There are numerous ways to integrate hair-pulling into sex. Use a gentle pull to initiate a kiss or enhance intimacy during eye contact in missionary position. During doggy style, pulling from behind can be thrilling, provided safety guidelines are followed.

To intensify the moment, incorporate dirty talk or emphasize control dynamics.

Aftercare and Further Exploration

Regardless of the duration, aftercare is important following hair-pulling or any intense activity. This involves tending to each other’s needs, whether through a scalp massage, cuddles, or simple relaxation.

For those interested in exploring kink further, workshops and continual communication with your partner are invaluable. Whether hair-pulling is a starting point or a standalone interest, education and communication remain essential in any sexual exploration.

• Black Friday offers a great opportunity to purchase intimate accessories at a discount.
• Top brands such as We-Vibe are offering sales, but Lelo boasts the most significant discounts.
• The Lelo Enigma Double Sonic, our top pick, is available at a reduced price.

Discover Sexy Savings This Black Friday

Black Friday isn’t just for clothing, electronics, or home essentials. It’s also the perfect occasion to indulge in sensual surprises at a discount. This week, a variety of sex toy deals are available from brands trusted by our editors.

Lelo vs. We-Vibe! Which Offers the Better Deal?

This Black Friday, both Lelo and We-Vibe are offering sales on vibrators, including clitoral, G-spot, and couples options, with discounts reaching up to 60 percent. However, not all promotions are equal. We investigated which brand provides the best value for your money, and here’s what we discovered.

Lelo Enigma Double Sonic – The Top Choice

For anyone seeking a top-notch vibrator deal, the Lelo Enigma Double Sonic is the standout choice this Black Friday. Rated as the best overall by our team of experts and reviewers, it’s currently available at 30 percent off. Lelo is widely considered the gold standard in sex toy brands, praised for both aesthetics and functionality. “They are not only beautiful but also well-curved to fit the body’s contours,” notes sex therapist Debra Laino.

Comparing Rabbit Vibrators

While We-Vibe offers a popular rabbit vibrator, it’s only 19 percent off. The Lelo Enigma Double Sonic, however, targets similar zones, such as the clitoris and A-spot/G-spot, offering a more attractive discount.

Deals on G-Spot Vibrators

For those specifically seeking G-spot stimulation, Lelo provides an enticing offer on the Gigi 3, now 27 percent off. Testers praise it as an ideal choice for beginners. “The slightly-curved shape perfectly hit my G-spot,” shared one Women’s Health editor. “Plus, the texture is incredibly luxurious with super soft, sleek, and smooth body-safe silicone.”

While We-Vibe offers a comparable model at a slightly higher price, we recommend the Lelo Gigi 3 for those new to G-spot vibrators, thanks to its 3.5-inch insertable length and soft, tapered head.

Introduction

Learning to swallow cum at the end of oral sex can be intriguing for many. Some find it daunting, while others view it as exciting and enjoyable.

Understanding the Appeal

One of the psychological motivations for men wanting their partner to swallow is its erotic and submissive nature. Many men enjoy taking on a dominant role during sex, and this act can enhance that feeling. Additionally, Exposure to adult films might inspire them to want to try it.

Women’s Perspectives

Many women are also interested in this act. A study showed that 72.1% of women fantasize about performing oral sex, with 41.3% imagining a man ejaculating on them. This suggests that swallowing is a common fantasy. Safety-wise, swallowing is generally safe if both partners are free from diseases.

Preparing for the Experience

The taste of semen can vary, often being bitter and salty. This is largely influenced by diet. Foods like asparagus can make it taste unpleasant, while fruits and juices can sweeten it. Knowing this can help in preparing for a more enjoyable experience.

Basic Technique

Swallowing can be straightforward. Allow him to ejaculate in your mouth and swallow afterward. Drinking water or juice can help mask the taste. For easier swallowing, letting him ejaculate at the back of the throat can prevent the taste buds from engaging.

Advanced Techniques

Playing With It

After ejaculation, instead of swallowing immediately, you can show the cum in your mouth or swirl it for a playful effect. For a kinkier approach, use your fingers to play with it or blow bubbles.

Expressing Enjoyment

If you prefer not to play with it, making satisfied sounds like “Mmm” can add to the experience. You can also express enjoyment verbally, enhancing the moment.

Licking It Up

If ejaculation occurs elsewhere, you can still swallow by licking it up. This can be an intense visual for your partner.

Facial Swallow

For those open to it, a facial can be followed by collecting the semen with your fingers and swallowing it, creating a dramatic effect.

Communication and Consent

It’s crucial to communicate with your partner about your comfort level with swallowing. Mutual respect and understanding are key. If unsure, try it with a trusted partner to decide if it’s something you enjoy. Avoid risks by refraining from swallowing if your partner’s sexual history is unknown or if there’s a possibility of STIs.

Health Benefits

Swallowing semen is safe and can offer health benefits. Studies suggest it might reduce preeclampsia risk during pregnancy. Semen contains oxytocin, which fosters bonding, and nerve growth factor, which supports brain health. It also has antioxidants and electrolytes that can be beneficial, although replacing traditional sports drinks with semen isn’t practical. Additionally, It contains sugars and proteins, though not in significant amounts.

In conclusion, Swallowing can be a safe and satisfying experience when approached with understanding and mutual consent.