Understanding the Situation

How can I encourage my partner to take on a more dominant role in our sexual relationship? For context, I am a transman who enjoys certain activities, and my partner is non-binary. Despite numerous discussions about how much this means to me, they struggle to embrace the dominant mindset. Their tendency to joke during intimate moments disrupts the experience for me.

This is a new dynamic for them, as they have never taken the lead in this way before our relationship. We’ve been together for over a year, but progress is slower than I hoped. I’ve been patient, sharing resources and maintaining open communication.

Challenges and Feelings

Though we’ve talked about possibly opening our relationship in the future, I am not ready for that step yet. However, I strongly desire a more fulfilling sexual experience without the anxiety of my partner’s reluctance.

I often find myself initiating intimacy, which leaves me feeling undesirable and impacts my self-esteem and dysphoria. Despite discussing this many times, little has changed.

Seeking Solutions

How can I help my partner become more comfortable with a dominant role? How do I encourage them to initiate intimacy and take my needs seriously?

I’ve communicated my desires clearly and emphasized how essential this is for my pleasure and identity. I’ve used “I feel” statements to express my feelings of being undesired and the importance of their initiation. If this hasn’t been done yet, another honest conversation might be necessary.

Embracing the Awkwardness

I understand the desire to engage without worrying about their enthusiasm. However, their anxiety might be causing hesitation and jokes during sex. They’re trying to meet my needs, even if it feels awkward initially. Embracing this awkwardness is part of the process.

Rather than scheduling a specific time, it might be better to initiate intimacy naturally during a relaxed moment. Using dominant titles or names could help establish the desired dynamic. Suggest what you’d like to be called and encourage them to do the same.

During intimacy, guiding them with specific actions might be necessary. While this isn’t ideal, it can provide them with guidance and build confidence.

Considering the Future

If your partner cannot embrace this role, they may not be suited for it. Respecting this is crucial. You’ll need to consider your options: Could you open the relationship sooner, or can you envision a future together with these needs unmet? If fulfillment in this aspect is vital for affirming your identity as a transman, you may need to reconsider the relationship. Ultimately, The decision is yours to make.