The Importance of Enthusiastic Consent

Many people understand consent as simply “no means no” and “yes means yes.” However, it’s a misconception that being in a long-term relationship means having indefinite access to a partner’s body. Enthusiastic consent remains crucial, whether you’ve been together for decades, a few years, or are in a new relationship.

Enthusiastic consent means actively seeking mutual excitement in intimate activities, rather than just the absence of a “no,” according to De-Andrea Blaylock-Solar, LCSW, CST, a sexuality and relationship therapist. This dynamic exchange can enhance your relationship by improving communication, building anticipation, and ensuring intimacy feels mutually desired and connected.

What Enthusiastic Consent Looks Like

Think of enthusiastic consent as emotional foreplay. “It’s ongoing and active, not compliant or hesitant,” notes Gabby Jimmerson, an AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist & Relationship Expert. It involves energy, engagement, and a clear verbal and nonverbal understanding that your partner is with you.

In long-term relationships, routines or assumptions might be relied upon, but previous occurrences don’t imply current consent. “Familiarity doesn’t replace the need for clarity,” Blaylock-Solar emphasizes. Consent is fluid and can change at any time.

The Role of Communication

Enthusiastic consent goes beyond a simple “Do you want to have sex?” It’s an active, willing, and energetic yes-not pressured or hesitant. Examples include:

• “I really want you tonight.”
• “I want to try this, are you into it too?”

Body language can also convey consent through actions like leaning in, reciprocal touch, and eye contact. However, Jimmerson cautions that nonverbal cues need to be paired with verbal check-ins, as factors like trauma or anxiety can make someone appear engaged while feeling uncertain internally.

How to Make Consent Sexy

If asking for consent feels awkward, you’re not alone. Therapists suggest it can actually heighten intimacy. “Confidently and unapologetically asking, ‘How does this feel?’ or ‘Is this working for you?’ is incredibly sexy,” Jimmerson shares. This approach shows attentiveness and care.

View these check-ins as flirtation rather than interruptions. “It’s not a performance review,” Jimmerson says. Simple, playful phrases such as “Would you like it if I…?” convey desire and build trust.

The Benefits of Enthusiastic Consent

Beyond ensuring safety, enthusiastic consent enhances intimacy. Regular practice fosters “deeper emotional safety, stronger trust, and greater sexual satisfaction,” according to Blaylock-Solar. When partners freely express desires and boundaries, pressure decreases and pleasure increases, leading to more confidence and enjoyment.

Sometimes, partners might not be in the mood, which is completely normal. “No” simply means “not right now.”

Responding to a Partner’s Needs

Respond respectfully with:

• “That’s okay, thanks for telling me.”
• “I’m glad you said what you’re feeling.”

These responses demonstrate emotional maturity and encourage honesty, avoiding guilt-tripping or pressure that can damage trust.

If a lack of enthusiasm becomes a pattern, it may be beneficial to discuss emotional needs or stress outside the bedroom, possibly with the help of a therapist. “Consent should always feel like a joyful, mutual agreement,” says Blaylock-Solar.

Conclusion

Ultimately, Enthusiastic consent should not feel rigid or formal. It is intimate, intentional, and rooted in emotional awareness, helping couples stay connected, reduce misunderstandings, and strengthen their bond over time. Embrace the power of a heartfelt “Yes!”