7
Jan, 2026

Why the Gay Male Romance in ‘Heated Rivalry’ Captivates Women

The Allure of ‘Heated Rivalry’

Hbo Max’s gripping drama unfolds a compelling secret romance between two male hockey players, Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov. The series, based on a popular narrative, dives into the lives of these rivals both on the ice and in private. While the show is rich with hockey action, it also features intense male-on-male romance scenes that have captivated female audiences.

“I’ve seen enough, go ahead and greenlight six seasons and a movie #heatedrivalry,” a fan exclaimed on X. Another viewer expressed, “Chemistry so good, I had to look away cause I felt like I was intruding.”

These young, attractive athletes, despite their masculine personas, engage in few scenes with women. This raises the question: What is it about this show that fascinates women? Women’s Health consulted a sex expert for insights.

Understanding the Appeal

Casey Tanner, an AASECT-certified sex therapist and creator of @queersextherapy, explains that “straight women are drawn to Heated Rivalry for similar reasons they enjoy romance novels.” The show offers not just one, but two deeply invested ‘book boyfriends,’ set in an environment typically associated with toxic masculinity, yet the storyline subverts this notion.

Shane and Ilya’s relationship is more than just physical attraction; it’s about longing and emotional connection. Their interactions through meaningful glances, playful texts, and urgent intimacy allow many straight women to vicariously experience the masculine vulnerability and devotion they seek. Tanner notes, “For women, the thrill isn’t necessarily ‘I want one of them’; it’s ‘I want to be that wanted, that chosen.'”

Broadening Audience Appeal

The show’s appeal extends beyond straight women. Tanner observes that “the show resonates with a wide range of sexual identities, including lesbian and queer women who aren’t romantically interested in men.” For these viewers, the appeal lies not in the attraction to the men, but in the emotional themes explored. The show touches on themes of risk, secrecy, and authenticity that resonate with many queer women, Tanner explains.

Exploring Sexual Fluidity

Research indicates that women often display more sexual fluidity than men. Tanner points out, “Women’s physiological responses aren’t as closely tied to the gender of the people on screen as men’s are.” Data from Pornhub and academic studies since 2014 reveal that straight women frequently enjoy lesbian erotica. This preference is linked to the interest in Heated Rivalry.

“Studies show that women, including straight women, often respond physically to both straight and lesbian erotica, with their arousal not always matching their sexual orientation,” Tanner explains. “Many straight women find lesbian erotica appealing because it centers women’s pleasure and feels less degrading.”

Although Heated Rivalry doesn’t feature women like lesbian porn does, it has a similar psychological and physiological impact on female viewers. “Women get to observe mutual desire and negotiated pleasure from a psychological distance,” Tanner notes. “This perceived safety allows desire to flourish.”

The Broader Fantasy Context

When engaging with romantic content, women often respond to emotional tone, power dynamics, and safety cues, rather than just the gender of the characters. Tanner elaborates, “That flexibility is why a gay romance can be deeply appealing to straight women. They respond to tenderness, mutual obsession, taboo, and the dismantling of rigid masculinity.”

Today, many people, especially women, feel more comfortable distinguishing between identity and fantasy. Tanner explains, “Fantasy is about the stories that resonate with our bodies, not necessarily who we want to date. Straight women, lesbians, and bi/pan women can all be drawn to a story centered on two men. This doesn’t imply hidden bisexuality; it shows we’re allowing women to embrace their broader fantasy life.”

For those who enjoy romance novels or series like Heated Rivalry, the fantasies they evoke can reveal desires for real-life relationships. Tanner suggests reflecting while watching: “What does this awaken in me that I want more of in my life-more safety, more emotional reciprocity, more enthusiasm, more softness from men?” Answering these questions may lead to a more satisfying romantic life offscreen. And isn’t that the ultimate aim?

7
Jan, 2026

Being the Sole Person My Age Seeking Casual Sex

I’m attempting to embrace a phase of enjoying casual connections. I’m interested in establishing some enjoyable, no-strings-attached FWB (friends with benefits) relationships. While one-night stands are an option, they often require more effort than I’d like. However, there’s a significant challenge: it seems like casual sex isn’t common among Gen Z!

At 21 years old, most people I’m attracted to who are around my age seem to be demisexual or prefer romantic relationships over purely sexual ones. Although I’m open to the idea of being with someone older, I’m wary of 30-somethings seeking younger partners on dating apps.

Could you provide some advice on navigating this situation?

First and foremost, It’s wise to be cautious of older individuals seeking relationships with someone your age, particularly when it involves older men. While my observations are personal, I haven’t seen many healthy, balanced relationships between men in their 30s and partners in their early 20s. This isn’t to say age-gap relationships can’t work-especially when it’s someone in their late 30s dating someone in their 50s-but at 21, you’re still developing. There’s often a power imbalance, and younger partners might not yet have the skills to establish boundaries and advocate for themselves as effectively as someone in their 30s.

Finding someone closer to your age, a fellow Gen Z member, is probably the best approach. Despite data showing Gen Z having less sex than previous generations, “less” doesn’t mean “none,” and there are exceptions-you’re one of them.

I’m curious about your experience with dating apps, especially those focused on casual encounters rather than serious relationships. Have you tried adjusting your app settings to only include people close to your age, and made it clear in your profile that you’re seeking casual FWB arrangements? This can help weed out those not interested in casual experiences. While this might attract some overly direct individuals, you can choose to only engage with those who respect the casual nature of FWB relationships without pushing for something more serious.

Meeting people in real life is another option, though it can be more challenging. If you have a sociable friend who’s great at breaking the ice, consider going out with them to a party or a bar popular with your age group. Let them know your goal for the night is to find a casual encounter.

There’s also the option of sex parties, though recommending them to someone who’s 21 makes me hesitant. I’ve met 21-year-olds at such events who feel comfortable, and I did attend my first one at 24, so I might be a bit hypocritical. Consider this a last resort. Start by adjusting your approach on hookup apps. If that doesn’t work, try meeting people at a college bar with your outgoing friend. If both options fail, then you might explore whether a sex party is suitable for you.

Could Spotify Become the Ultimate Dating Platform?

Music has long been intertwined with romance, from the days of mixtape CDs to today’s streaming playlists. A carefully curated playlist can speak volumes about one’s feelings, and receiving a “tracks that reminded me of you” playlist from a crush can be a heartwarming experience. Observing someone’s public Spotify playlists offers insights into their personality and emotions, providing a deeper connection.

Recently, Spotify took a bold step by introducing a direct messaging feature called “Messages.” Aimed at users aged 16 and up, this feature allows for sharing songs, podcasts, or audiobooks with friends and family, creating a dedicated space for recommendations within the app.

The launch of Spotify’s messaging feature sparked immediate speculation. Many assumed it would predominantly be used for flirting, reminiscent of how direct messages (DMs) have evolved in popular culture. Board-certified relationship expert Allie Thiess notes that DMs are often seen as flirtatious due to their private, fast, and intentional nature. The blend of secrecy and intimacy in DMs makes them feel like modern love notes, carrying significant weight.

Spotify’s DMs, allowing users to share music and react to others’ listening habits, enhance this intimate exchange. Music often reflects one’s mood, making it a powerful tool for forming romantic connections, perhaps even stirring a bit of drama.

Traditional dating apps offer a limited glimpse into a person through photos and curated profiles. In contrast, music preferences reveal a more genuine portrayal of one’s interests and tastes. Whether bonding over shared playlists or using song recommendations as subtle hints, Spotify’s new feature opens up endless possibilities for romantic connections. The anticipation for unique “We met on Spotify” stories is palpable.

7
Jan, 2026

10 Essential Actions for Men After a Tough Breakup

Breakups are undeniably tough, irrespective of the circumstances. Whether anticipated or unexpected, whether you’re the one leaving or being left, they are painful. It might seem overwhelming at first, but you can and will overcome a difficult breakup. While it’s tempting to dwell on negative emotions, that will only prolong the pain.

Instead, here are some constructive, future-oriented strategies for handling the situation, as suggested by relationship experts. Although healing won’t happen overnight, changing your perspective and developing healthy habits will guide you towards recovery and moving forward.

Acknowledge Your Feelings

According to Gigi Engle, a relationship expert and author, the first step in moving on is recognizing your pain. Ignoring your sadness doesn’t eliminate it; it merely pushes it below the surface, where it might eventually resurface explosively.

Men often struggle with this because societal conditioning equates emotional expression with weakness. However, denying your feelings is even more harmful. Whether the relationship lasted three years or three months, acknowledging your need for love and the pain of losing something significant is essential to begin healing.

Challenge Negative Thoughts

Counter negative self-talk as soon as possible. Social psychologist Lauren Howe, Ph. D., advises questioning the narrative you tell yourself about the breakup. Blaming yourself entirely ignores the multiple factors that can cause a relationship to end. Changing this narrative can help you regain control and speed up your recovery.

Limit Contact with Your Ex

During the initial phase of a breakup, minimize contact with your ex by blocking or muting them on social media platforms like Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. This helps you resist the urge to reach out and shields you from their online presence, which could trigger feelings of jealousy or bitterness.

Reflect Through Writing

Psychologist Gary Lewandowski, Ph. D., suggests writing about the breakup for 30 minutes daily. Reflect on why the relationship ended, what went wrong, and what you can learn. Focus on positive aspects such as newfound freedom and the lessons for future relationships. This cathartic writing process can enhance your calmness, confidence, and empowerment.

Seek Support

Don’t isolate yourself. Engle emphasizes the importance of acknowledging emotions as a sign of maturity. Talk to friends about your feelings for support, but avoid turning it into venting about your ex. Consider therapy if you need impartial guidance to prevent repeating past mistakes. Seeking help is a strength, not a weakness.

Avoid Reckless Behavior

Pre-pandemic, many might have turned to partying and casual encounters post-breakup, but these are temporary fixes that don’t aid healing. Engle warns against these distractions, suggesting instead to confront the hurt directly. Allow yourself to grieve the loss as you would any significant change.

Spend Time in Nature

A Rutgers study found that romantic rejection’s effects resemble cocaine withdrawal. Give yourself time to clear your mind. Engage in outdoor activities like hiking, camping, or mountain climbing. A Finnish survey shows that spending time in nature boosts emotional well-being.

Learn and Grow from the Experience

Though it might not seem apparent now, this heartache will teach you valuable lessons. When you’re ready to date again, you’ll have a clearer understanding of what you want in a relationship and a deeper self-awareness. Engle advises against viewing the relationship as a waste of time, stressing that every experience contributes to personal growth.

Embrace New Relationships Cautiously

There’s no set timeline for getting over a breakup; it’s personal. Once you’re ready to date again, avoid fixating on your ex with new partners. Lewandowski notes that finding a meaningful new relationship can help you move past a previous one, though it’s not a guaranteed solution for everyone.

Maintain Emotional Boundaries

To move on, maintain emotional distance from your ex. Psychiatrist Anne Gilbert, M. D., suggests going cold turkey unless you share children, in which case treat your ex like a cordial roommate. Establish boundaries, keep interactions brief and businesslike, and avoid emotional entanglement. With time, you may be able to revisit a friendship, but initially, set clear rules to protect your healing process.

7
Jan, 2026

My Partner Won’t Take a Dominant Role in Our Sexual Relationship

Understanding the Situation

How can I encourage my partner to take on a more dominant role in our sexual relationship? For context, I am a transman who enjoys certain activities, and my partner is non-binary. Despite numerous discussions about how much this means to me, they struggle to embrace the dominant mindset. Their tendency to joke during intimate moments disrupts the experience for me.

This is a new dynamic for them, as they have never taken the lead in this way before our relationship. We’ve been together for over a year, but progress is slower than I hoped. I’ve been patient, sharing resources and maintaining open communication.

Challenges and Feelings

Though we’ve talked about possibly opening our relationship in the future, I am not ready for that step yet. However, I strongly desire a more fulfilling sexual experience without the anxiety of my partner’s reluctance.

I often find myself initiating intimacy, which leaves me feeling undesirable and impacts my self-esteem and dysphoria. Despite discussing this many times, little has changed.

Seeking Solutions

How can I help my partner become more comfortable with a dominant role? How do I encourage them to initiate intimacy and take my needs seriously?

I’ve communicated my desires clearly and emphasized how essential this is for my pleasure and identity. I’ve used “I feel” statements to express my feelings of being undesired and the importance of their initiation. If this hasn’t been done yet, another honest conversation might be necessary.

Embracing the Awkwardness

I understand the desire to engage without worrying about their enthusiasm. However, their anxiety might be causing hesitation and jokes during sex. They’re trying to meet my needs, even if it feels awkward initially. Embracing this awkwardness is part of the process.

Rather than scheduling a specific time, it might be better to initiate intimacy naturally during a relaxed moment. Using dominant titles or names could help establish the desired dynamic. Suggest what you’d like to be called and encourage them to do the same.

During intimacy, guiding them with specific actions might be necessary. While this isn’t ideal, it can provide them with guidance and build confidence.

Considering the Future

If your partner cannot embrace this role, they may not be suited for it. Respecting this is crucial. You’ll need to consider your options: Could you open the relationship sooner, or can you envision a future together with these needs unmet? If fulfillment in this aspect is vital for affirming your identity as a transman, you may need to reconsider the relationship. Ultimately, The decision is yours to make.

7
Jan, 2026

Struggling to Find a Boyfriend Because I’m Only Drawn to Muscular Gay Men

I’m a 29-year-old gay man, actively participating in the gay community through bars and LGBTQ+ sports leagues like softball and dodgeball, all in the hope of finding a boyfriend. Despite my efforts, I often feel discouraged, as none of the guys seem interested. My attraction leans towards conventionally attractive, fit men, while I identify as a bear and consider myself average-looking. Though I know some find me attractive, the feelings are rarely mutual. Should I give up on finding a boyfriend and accept a single life?

Understanding Timing and Relationships

First, Let’s acknowledge that at 29, you’re still quite young. Statistics indicate that gay men often marry later than their straight peers, with the average marriage age around 38. Factors like coming out later and societal pressures can delay early relationship experiences, but many find long-term partners in their mid to late thirties. So, don’t lose hope; you deserve love and connection.

Broadening Your Perspective

Now, let’s address the heart of the matter. You’re not alone in being a self-described “average-looking” man drawn to conventionally attractive, muscular gays. It’s understandable, given the constant media portrayal of these ideals. However, if your attraction is solely focused on this type, it might be time to expand your view to potential partners who resemble you more closely.

Physical looks are just one facet of attraction. Traits such as passion, intelligence, kindness, and humor are equally vital. Remember, as we age, our appearances naturally change, making it crucial for relationships to be built on more than just physical allure.

Giving Everyone a Chance

Consider giving a chance to those who find you attractive. Go out for drinks, attend shows, or enjoy a picnic. Be open to exploring connections with them.

Keeping an Open Heart

Though I may have been direct, let’s end on a positive note: Finding a boyfriend is a journey. Embrace new people and experiences, and you may discover the companionship you seek. Keep your heart open, and wonderful things can happen!